


Feferi Sneaks Through a Castle and Eats Some Potato Chips

by nahofficial



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, its absoltute shit, this is shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 23:38:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4499127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nahofficial/pseuds/nahofficial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this is the most emotional story involving feferi that u will ever lay ur eyes upon i swear this 2 u i am a writing Master and deliver nothgin but Top Quality Content</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chpap 1

once upon a time there was this cool chick named feferi peixes. you are not feferi peixes. only she is feferi peixes and she is a beautiufl princess. anyhow she was like,, sitting there in the stupid palace not able to doanything.

so shes sitting in her FUCKING tower bc shes a “non-racist menace to society” bc she once hugged karkat and also bc she doenst like the hemospectrum all that much but shes 4000% positive its bc she hugged karkat that one time. adn shes like “whale shit i sure am glubbing hungry” bc she replaces fuck with glub like a pretentous piece of fish garbage im kidding feferi ilu. suddenly! a boy brursts into the room!! “hi welcome to chilis” he says. it is sollux. he is in boxers. he gently gives feferi the middle finger bc they dated once. what a romantic gesture. feferi is touched. sollux is touching her with his outstretched middle finger. his boxers have a stain on them. its is the epitome of romance.

 

“how did you get here?” she asks as there is no door. there is no window. she has been trapped in the darkness for 50 years now and its getting kind of old, mom.

 

“i am a sentient cloud of electrons,” sollux responds. he is correct. he then proceeds to cease to exist. There He Goes

 

“oh,” feferi sayss and then touches her face emtotionally. she is hungry. she haasntr eaten in 50 years. she coudl go for a bag of potato chips or somethign.

 

so she stands up from her bed which is actually just  a mildly moist bale of hay and gently caresses one of the walls. it breaks, she is free. she looks down. its like a 50 story drop. easy.

 

(i didnt wAnt to write the scen e where she climbs down hte tower but trust me it was epic and inspiring) so hses in the castle now and her mom wants her dead or something bc she “has to kill her before she (feferi) kills her (mompeixes) in order to take the throne” even though feferi just wants some fuckign potato chips adn maybe also everyone hugging each other?? that would be nice she thinks. anyway she has to sneak around like a ninja or a 3 year old that just broke a lamp.

 

the Lays Potato Chip Factory is in the oter part of the castle adn she has to walk past some guards to get there adn she just wants to get a bag of potato chips just a fucking bag of potato chips for the love of god (not gog bc feferi isnt in the bucket phase) so in order for her to not die she needs to recruit, a Team.

 

 


	2. chpap 2

Feferi sailed to the mainland in searhc of people 2 recruit for her Potato Chip Agenda. she lands on shore, and is approached by equius, who heard her plight from sollux, and wants to join her cause.

 

“Hello fefer i have heard your plight from Sollux it is i, Equius, and i will join your cause,” says Equius who had heard her plight from sollux and wants to join her cause.  
  


“Thank you for hearing my plight from Sollux, Equius, and i will accept you joingin my cause,” says Feferi, who had heard Equius hear her plight from sollux and want to im not fukcing continuing this. “lets get nepeta too i am very close to her it feels like we’re in the same bod y sometimes.”

 

Feferi places equius on her back and gives him a piggyback ride to naptimes cavern. it is a long journey. they wore sunscreen so they didnt have to take cover from the asshole suns on that planet like seriously what the fuck @ the suns you need to calm donw.

 

“helo nepete” says feferi, entering the cave. “join my party.” nowpita was in th emiddle of updating her shipping wall. it was all of your ships not involving erinad. theyre all canon now. except the eridan ships. hes shipped with his left hand now. eridan x eridan’s left hand otp.

 

“hi feferi fur sure i will” says nudepics leijon theres your one cat pun im not doing any more. “hi equiu s!!!!!! !!!” she pousnces on top of equius. rest in peace horseman, you gentle soul.

 

“Hello nootpat” says euqius, whos strnegh saved him from death by nergal lasagna’s takcleponce. “how have you beem?”

 

“it is not the time to talk, we must help feferi,” says nailwork lemonade. “come euiqus we must go.”

 

so they set off to karckats house, both newspaper legshave and equisu zahhak on feferi’s back. its a fuckign advnture. niall lemurson sings a song. it is a very happy time.

 

“whatfthe fuck r u doign here?” asks karkat when the y show up. “i was busy being angry and trying to pick up this block of cement for no fucking reason.”

 

“help me get a bag of potato chips from my mom” says feferi. “its an adventure.”

 

“okay. hi euqius, hi noopzoop,” says karkat.

 

“hi karkatty” says equius out of a crazy change of events look at this shit the world is flipped on its fucking head.

 

“sup” says nikesports licklick. “were goign to the lays factory. im going to get cat hair in all the bags of chips because im an asshole.”

 

“sounds like a plan” screams karkat because he’s fucking loud please stop karkat. there are children. people are trying to sleep. thats it. thats all the epoeople feferi needs on her team. she would recruit sollxu but he is unfortunatley inexistant right now. eridan is too busy on his hoenymoon with hi s left hand. they make a wonderful couple.

 

feferi places karkat upon her bak whrer he joins equis zahhak and namename lessthanthree. she neighs like ahorse bc equius requested it. it is beautiful. they are off, to the caslte.

 

 


	3. chapepl 3

along the wya back to the castle they encounter!! an obscatcle!! bc i want to make the story last longer.

 

“whwwat the fuck is that?” asks feferi. she potins to a drivethru mcdonalds. there arent any of those in the ocean which is honestly a shame because ronald mcdonald could defintiely make a profit from all those fuckign fish.

 

“that is a drivethru mcdonalds” says karkat, he is knowledgeable. “you odrer food from the place. and then you eat it.”

 

“okaty lets go there” syas feferi and she carried all of them on her back over to the mcdonalds. equius says that they shoucldnt go eat there because it is uncouth food. nanananabatman lampshade tells him to chill the fuck out. he does. thank god for moirals.

 

“hello welcome to mcdonalds i am living a lie” speaks the voice from the speaky thing outside the drivethru.

 

“cna i have a hamburger” asks all three of them at once (equihorse doenst want to eat there because he has standards). the person behind the speaky thing starts crying gently and feferi takes that as a yes and she pulls up to hte window.

 

“that will be 40 dollars thank ouy” says vriksa who worked there to try to get herself out of the debt she brought on herself from the lawsuit. tarvos sued for the blinding of terezi and the disabling of himself and the fuckign murder of aradia and won and now lives in her castle and vriksa is now learning the hard way not to FUCKIGN KILL PEOPLE. anysway feferi pays the money and then gets the hamburgers. thsi was a very necessary chapter.

 

 


	4. capybara 4

okay so thehyre at the castle now and feferi is ready to put this shit into ACTION. they throw out the mcdonalds wrappers in the trash because they arent fuckign savages, adn now, it is time. it is HAPPENING. holy hsit.

 

narcolepsy lubricant distracts the guards with her cat wiles. you go, noodle linguini, you go. while they were both distracted by nihilism largepants playing with a ball of yarn, fferi and the others snekad on past. the gurads were dealst with, now it was jsut her,,, versus her momther. it was showdown time. snekaily they snuck 2 th Lays Potato Chip Factory.

 

“hi mom” sayd ffeferi. her mom was stiiting on a throne consisting of Sweet ‘n Spicy Late Capitalism flavored potat chip bags. her mohter lookd down on her condescendingly like it was her name or something.

 

“sup nerd,” speaks the condecse, eating a bag oft her cbips. “u gon take my throne. bc im goinh to figh u.”

“mom im hungry” syas feferi. equidus and k.k. thaft guitar dog from animccla crosign stand gently to vthe side unsure of wheltehr or not htey should speak bc clearly it was a v tender momnet betwen momthere ant doauhter.

 

“wtf the ufk am i spsosed to do abt it then?” aksed mom pisces. “amkae yr own food.”

 

“i woudl be able to imake my own food if i wnast stuck in  atower for 50ish years mom wow,” rebutted fferfi. she was very angery. meanwhisle novella leprocy ahd finsihsed up w the guards bc she is v strong adn joined in the fun party in the t=poato hichip hfactortu.

 

in fact, noivern lithosphere joined the party just in time to see mompiexes puinch feferi in the face which was kind of rude bc feferi is the protagonist and also is a bby who means no harm.

 

“hwat te fuck,” syas nipplehat larceny. “u dont jsut do that. thats rlu rude.”  
  


“eyah i agree” says kakrat. he makes out w napkin are ou happy now npetkat shipper asre you happy now.

 

equius coughs awkawkardly after the two finish their display of slobbery kissing and soon regret. so do both of ht epeixes. karkat says “call me” nostril says “okay” and they resume kissing. its kind of weird. is this whT dating is like?? evryone shoves it 2 the back of their mind and they focus back to the task at hand. feferi slaps mompeixes back. hotdamn.

 

thers like this brutal fistfight i dont know how to describe it?? there were explosions. and a lot of glitter. [this song played in the background](https://soundcloud.com/alessandro-marzialetti/cruel-angel-thesis-air-horn-version) and karket adn noticemesenpai contineues making out hardcore like pls,, stop this. are yuo happy, katneps??? arke you happyy????? LOOK WHAT YOUVEE DONE.

 

mompeixes is lying on the gorund liek chrom from fir ebmelm awakenig in the smash bros trailer where lucina totally steals his spotlight and feferi is sthanding triumphantly above her adn all of her teammates are clappign. she did it. she won. congratulations feferi. nightowl and karkat r still macking it hardcore while clapping. pls. someone stop them.

 

“congratulatiosn feferi” says equius. “i knew you could do it.”

  
“thakn you equius” says feferi. they hug. feferi then eats the throne of potato chips. eridna is still on his honeymoon and he is having the time of his life. it is a happy ending 2 all. the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry


End file.
